The Unsightly

 The rain pours as I sip my hot coffee

The bitterness that keeps me awake

And sane at the same time

The drop that hits the roof

Splash around makes the light sound

Oh how I just want to sit around

As I hold my smartphone

Watch some videos on it

And enjoy my cigarettes

Eventually I see you there

How unsightly...

Though my eyes can't avert 

I keep remember

When the barricade is the only line

That stops me from jumping

Through the passing train

I keep remember Of you

Your smile, your laugh

That hold my feet firm

My mind always wanders

On this cloudy and gloomy day

My fantasy of us holding hand

And laughing our lungs off

Though I realized

That it is just a mere fantasy

Of this unsightly me

The cigarettes that I smoke

Slowly turns into ash

Just like my sanity that barely stand

On the brink of crumbling down

I wonder if I already went crazy

Because I always wish to see you smile brightly

I keep remember

The feeling of wanting to jump off

To a river when I pass a bridge

And sweep like there's no future holds

I keep remember Of you

Your cry and sadness

I don't want to be the one to bring them to you

How unsightly of me

Selfishly cling you your image

When my mind is crumbling to piece

I have gone mad, I really am

Because in the end I realized

That you're not real

And my image of us happily spend a day

Was only my delusional thought

I keep remember

The feeling of wanting

Jump on the passing train

Or on the river that I pass on

Yet I don't

Because I desperately cling on you

The fantasy of mine alone

That drives me crazy

Yet the only one keeping me sane

Keeping me live my life

On desperation

Afterglow

 

Standing here watching the sun set

The afterglow colors me red

And as the wind blows

I wonder when was the last time I enjoy this moment

 

Though we step on a different way

Our hearts stay here together

As the memories last

Before our future that we chase

 

At times I feel the void in my chest

As I run on pebbles in my way

Knowing you are not here beside me

But remembering our promise on that afterglow

Gave me strength to keep going

 

Oh friend I wonder if we ever stand side by side ever again

After we step chasing the divers dream that we aim

But I'm sure you all give your all

And probably have the same void that I have

So at least let me do the same

So that one day when we ever meet again

We will shine brighter

Than the afterglow we seen back then

Bintang di Sisi Bulan

 

Sudah senja ketika ku terjaga

Rerumputan yang memerah

Hangatnya jingga menerpa

Tidak... itu kalian yang menggenggam

Dan senyum yang tak akan terlupa

 

Selama ini hanya bulan yang mendengar

Kini aku sadar bahwa selalu ada bintang di sisinya

Mungkin karena aku terjaga

Aku malah jadi buta karenanya

Kalian selalu di sana

Meski ku abaikan

Meski ku lupakan

 

Aku tidak paham

Aku bahagia

Namun air mata ini jatuh

Membasahi wajah dan bibirku

Setelah sekian lama mencari

Ku temukan tempat tuk kembali

 

Meski tak selalu cerah hari kita

Bahkan jika badai yang datang

Aku yakin bisa bangkit berdiri

Karena kalian disini

Menggenggamku

Dan meyakinkanku

Bahwa aku tidak sendiri

Selepas Hujan

 

Di depan pintu ku terduduk

Melihati tetesan-tetesan dari genting

Terlihat langkah-lagkah yang berwarna

Satu langkah... dua langkah...

Ku coba menghitung namun tak sampai

Bukan... bukan aku kehilangan arah

Namun warna-warna memenuhi pandang

Seperti sebuah taman bunga

Semua nampak berwarna

Merah, biru, kuning, toska

Hanya aku saja

Yang tak berwarna

Kelabu bagai langit lepas hujan

Tidaknya bermuram durja

Hanya terasa ruang di dada

Yang dingin menyebar ke seluruh badan

Mungkin ini semua karena hujan

Aku jadi teringat suatu hal

Seperti saat langit menjadi gelap

Aku mengecup lembut bibir dinginnya

Perlahan dan perlahan

Hingga hujan pun terasa hangat

Saat tubuhku melayang...

Bebas di langit-langit kamar

The Unforgiving

 

In the blank of the day

I wrapped inside a white box

Of my own world

That my mind created unconsciously

Though I don’t understand

Why such pure white room exist

Inside this dirty and filthy me

 

So I just sit there staring at nothingness

While being idle as I hear nothing but my heartbeat

This anxiety grow bigger than ever

Making my heart race yet I’ve never been this relaxed

Such contradicting

I can’t even understand this state of me any longer

 

The white that is pure looking scary

As its’ purity has always been why I’ve been I

Throwing and splashing myself with dirt

Making me dirty yet less scared

I am not pure and clean to begin with

I never was

 

In the end I can do nothing and being helpless

Staring at this pure white has becoming a torture

A hell for some dirty bumpkin kid like me

And yet as if I see the white has smiled toward me

It gave me shiver and in no time I ried to run

Yet as if someone chasing bringing nothing but warmth

But still I am scared

Of the pure white in this box like room

Of the forgiveness I don’t deserve